


Felix Knows Best

by LakeHermione



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 15:29:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21199928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LakeHermione/pseuds/LakeHermione
Summary: I’ve always imagined Sarah continued to struggle in the post-canon world (and that would really weigh on Kira as a quasi-Leda mood ring) so here’s my take on that topic that I’ve had kicking around my hard drive for a while.





	1. Chapter 1

Alison glanced at Cosima and then began knocking on the door of the duplex that once belonged to Siobhan Sadler. They were just about to give up when Sarah finally came to the door squinting uncomfortably in the midday sun. 

“Hey Sarah. Did we wake you?” chirped Alison as she swept past Sarah into the dark house.

“Yeah, I got in kinda late...what’s up?” said Sarah looking wary and confused. 

“Visiting you of course” replied Alison brightly. 

“Yeah it’s not really a good time...” Sarah trailed off as she sat down on the couch and ran her hands through her sleep tossled hair. 

”Hello, Sestra you do not look well” intoned Helena. 

“Oh Christ. Can we please not?” groaned Sarah. 

“Sorry dude,” said Cosima with a sympathetic smile. 

“Okaaay” chirped Alison, “As you know we’ve been very worried about you Sarah and...” 

“Hang on will ya?” interrupted Sarah as she stood up and walked into the kitchen. She returned seconds later with a beer in hand and sat down on the couch. She then began rummaging in the drawer of the end table next to the couch until she retrieved a plastic baggy, a lighter and some rolling papers. 

“Alright where were we then?” she said with a sarcastic smirk as she began rolling a joint with slightly shaky hands. 

“Oh for heavens sake” huffed Alison, “Sarah, I didn’t think you even liked smoking pot.” 

“Cosima, wanna take this one?” said Sarah without looking up. 

“Um, what is that like a hybrid or something?” said Cosima uncomfortably. Sarah nodded as she continued rolling the joint. Cosima continued, “It’s probably like a sativa dominant hybrid with high THC that’s like good for hangovers or migraines and stuff.” 

“Exactly” said Sarah with a smile. A few moments of awkward silence later she lit the joint and inhaled deeply “now you can like proceed with the intervention” she half coughed before tossing down the lighter and exhaling.” 

“Sarah, It’s more like a conversation” said Cosima gently as Sarah took another drag.

“Okay okay let’s converse then.” 

“Sarah can you please take this seriously? I mean how are we supposed to talk to her if she’s high?” said an exasperated Alison. 

“Well, you can leave if you like, “ said Sarah with an edge offering Cosima the joint. 

Cosima waived her off with a glare and then said evenly, “Look Sarah, can you just knock it off and listen for a minute. We have something you need to hear.” 

“What’s that?” challenged Sarah. 

Helena replied, “You are acting like selfish drunk and Kira is hurting.” 

“Kira isn’t around at the moment in case you hadn’t noticed.” snapped Sarah. 

They had asked Felix to come too but he’d declined explaining, “This sort of thing always backfires with Sarah. You can’t confront, therapize, counsel, shame or appeal to her better nature. Never works. You all saw how she was in a fight, well she’s currently at war with herself. When she’s like this, she’s like 500% committed to the bottom. Just have to wait til she comes to it on her own. Probably just make it worse. Also, can you tell her that Bobby says she can’t come back until she pays for that window.”

Everybody knew Sarah was struggling and everyone had their theories but things kept getting worse. She’d bailed on her first try at the GED exam, missed passing by two points on her second attempt and completely bombed her third (and final try). The only jobs she’d been able to get were of the soul crushing low paying variety and she didn’t last more than a few weeks at any of them. She started dumping Kira with Felix or Alison for the weekend and then picking her up looking like death warmed over with a half-hearted apology. 

But they had really begun to worry about six weeks ago when she stopped returning phone calls and they found out Kira had gone to live with Cal. When Sarah had told Kira she wanted to sell the house but couldn’t tell her where they would go, Kira had just unloaded on her. Sarah told Felix the fight ended with Kira slamming her door and shouting, “Why does it even matter where we live? You’re never going get a job and look after me like a normal mom or like S did!” The next day Kira had asked to go live with Cal and Sarah said “yes” just to punish herself. 

“What I do is none of any of your concern.” said Sarah, “and leave Kira out of it. I’ll sort things out with her on my own.” 

“Well,” said Cosima, “that’s the thing Sarah. We can’t leave Kira out of it. That’s why we’re here.” 

“What?” said Sarah irritably. 

“Well,” Alison jumped in, “Kira came to see us yesterday because she wanted us to talk to you—about the connection she has...with well all of us. It’s such a burden for her. All these adult feelings she can’t control or turn off. She said most of the time it’s like background noise and she can tune it out but for the past few months she’s been overwhelmed by everything that’s going on with...well with you.” 

Helena sat down next to Sarah on the couch and put her hand on Sarah’s knee. “This is why she left. You feel unhappy and trapped so she thinks if she leaves you, you feel better.” said Helena. “But instead she says is worse and now you just hate yourself and hurt yourself all the time.” 

Cosima sat down on the other side of her and put her hand on Sarah’s other knee. “It’s eating her up Sarah. She says she can’t sleep or concentrate in school. And we’re not telling you this to make you feel worse. In fact, knowing you walk around feeling that way all the time breaks my heart. But you have to try to do something about it for Kira.”

Sarah stood up and walked into the kitchen muttering, “I’m sorry monkey I’m so sorry, so sorry” while she paced around. After a few moments, however, she stopped, went quiet and wiped her eyes. “Right then, right...well always a pleasure but you can go now.” 

“Sarah...” said Cosima warily. 

“I know what you think” said Sarah, “That I’m going through somethin’ or whatever or I’ll wake up one day get my life sorted and stop letting everyone down. Well you can all just piss off. Tell you what, when you lot come up with a plan to transform me into a less shitty person come find me.” Then she pulled on her jacket and left without another word leaving Cosima, Helena and Alison in stunned silence. Felix was right, she was going to make it worse.


	2. Chapter 2

A few days later, Felix set out pre-dawn armed with a thermos of coffee and his art supplies. As the sun peaked over the horizon, he took a deep breath, exhaled into the frosty morning air and began once again to paint the familiar scene. Not long after, he heard someone approaching. He didn’t need to turn around to know it was Sarah. God—in some strange ways she was so effing predictable. 

“Back at it again, eh?” she said by way of greeting as she slouched into the old lawn chair, swung her feet up onto the make-shift fire ring and rocked the chair back on two legs.

“Yep. Still can’t get it quite right. Somethin’ about the way the light hits the water through the trees. Guess it’s my white whale.”

“Eh?”

“You know, from Moby Dick?”

“Sure” Sarah laughed.

Felix rolled his eyes and then turned around to get a good look at her. He snorted and resumed painting,

“What?” she spat.

“When’s the last time you slept?”

“Don worry ‘bout it.”

“Right, well you know, it’s only a proper bender if you stop for a bit in between. Otherwise, it’s just sad” shrugged Felix.

A few minutes passed in awkward silence as Sarah picked at her cuticles and Felix began filling in the trees on his canvas in broad sweeping strokes. 

“You here waitin’ for me?”

“Nah really. Just time to have another go” he said lightly.

“I don’t believe you” she replied.

Felix exhaled loudly, “I don’t really care.”

“Yes you do” she smirked.

“Well, fuck me then” 

“Felix” she drawled.

“Sarah” he mimicked.

“So how come you didn’t come with ‘em?” she asked.

“No point. I know what you’re like when you’re like this. Told ‘em so too” said Felix.

“Oh yeah? What’em I like, then?” 

Felix stopped painting, exhaled loudly and turned around to face Sarah. “I’m not getting into this with you right now. Go home, have a sleep, call me later, alright?”

“Bet Alison’s mad, yeah?”

“No one’s mad, Sarah. Just worried.”

“Bet she wants to send me to rehab or somethin’”

“She does. And Cosima wants to take you on a walk-about in Arizona to tap into the positive energy or some-shit. And Helena wants to either knock some sense into you or move in with you or both. I can’t really tell. Anyway, you’ve got the whole sestrahood in an uproar with this little meltdown.”

“I can take care of myself.”

Oh is that what this is? Tell me Sarah, what’re you doin’ for money these days cuz this feels like that summer after you dropped out of high school and ran away with Vic for the first time. ‘Cept this time S isn’t around to clean your shit up.”

She slumped back down, rubbed her eyes and groaned, “Aaah…I know.” 

Felix turned and gave her a wistful smile. “What’s all this about anyway, Sarah?”

“I dunno.”

“Come on. Use your words” he said with a smirk.

“Piss off”

“Seriously, I know you like to periodically flush your life down the toilet, but I thought you were done with that.”

“Apparently not” she mumbled with her head in her hands.

He paused, “You know you’re better than this.”

“No, I’m not actually.”

“Yeah, you are”

“Felix, I can’t even look after my own kid or get my bloody GED or hold a shit job for more than two weeks.”

“Jesus Sarah! You have got to be the least introspective person on the planet.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that only you could meet scores of your genetic identicals who are all as different as the day is long and come away with the conclusion that ‘I’m shit and that’s all I’ll ever be.’ Each and every one of them has the same brain as you. How can you look at them and not see the possibilities? You could be anything—a brilliant scientist, a computer savant, a politician who runs her little suburban fiefdom like a mob boss for god’s sake or even a corporate cut-throat!”

“I don’t want to do any of that.”

“No one says you have to” he said gently, “But you do have to do something because this whole permanent midnight shit can’t go on.”

“I can take care of myself, Felix.”

“What about Kira, then.”

“What about her?”

“They told you what she said, yeah?”

“What am I meant to do, Fe?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe grow up and go see her for start? You don’t have to have it all figured out to do that, do you? You know even after all your bullshit she still loves you, doesn’t she?”

“I guess.”

“She does.”

“Yeah, well…she’s not too bright then.”

“Well, she is yours” he smirked.

“Yeah, I s’pose.” she chuckled.

“You know, you actually weren’t bad when you were pretending to be a cop.”

“That’s not happening.”

“I know but what about Art’s friend, the private investigator? You should call him. Art says he needs someone to skulk around and do surveillance and sneaky shit. And you positively excel at that sort of thing. You just need to sober up and get out of your own way for once.”

“Maybe, but a job like that involves nights and weekends. Can’t have Kira and do all that.”

“Well, maybe she stays with her loving and caring Father and you see her every other weekend and for part of the summers.”

“That’s not what mothers are supposed to do.”

“I don’t care what mothers are SUPPOSED to do. If that makes you a shit mom, then that means half of the divorced people in the world are shit. And since when do you do what you’re supposed to do? Being a good mother to Kira means she’s safe and knows you love her. That’s all, that’s it”

“You think?”

“Yes. I do. Now go home, get some sleep and I’ll come over to cook you dinner tonight.”

“Yeah, alright.”

“Well, my work here is done” said Felix as he began packing up.

“So you were waitin’ for me.”

“Maybe” he smirked.   
  



End file.
